Week of 12/16/2013

This weeks top headlines:

Cairo, Egypt  got snow for the first time in  112 years. Looks like it's the global warmers who are in deNile of global cooling. Deniers!

V.P. Joe Biden groped a White House reporter. Joe reminds me of Muhammad Ali,  float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, grope like a dope.

Joe: I'm all about jobs, boob jobs,

Scientists are worried that plagues and fungi will destroy all the banana crops. Jay Carney will probably say "let them eat soy" since Obamacare will provide an endless supply of Soylent Green.

Barbara Walters said "we thought he (Obama) was going to be ... the next Messiah." Well this moron is partly right because he certainly has made a mess of things.

In related news John Podesta said referring to the GOP that they are "a cult worthy of Jonestown." According to the NY Times Jim Jones the cult leader was a Democrat involved in voter fraud. It seems the Obama KoolAid is a particularly strong recipe this year.

Newt Gingrich said "every major city which is a poverty center is run by Democrats." For those of you who have trouble understanding this let me make it perfectly clear "if it's destitute, demoralized, and demolished it was built by Democrats."

"You didn't build that" Democrats did.

Team Obama has come up with another winner of an ad to convince young adults to get healthcare. I'll bet his pajamas have a trap door in the back, and it's not for taking a dump.

Looks like another candidate for transgender surgery.

Nancy Pelosi said "just being in the country illegally is not enough of a reason to be deported..." Apparently she feels "you have to pass the border to find out what's in it (the U.S.)."

In related news the Vatican Chief Justice said Nancy Pelosi shouldn't receive Communion because she supports abortion. I agree she shouldn't receive Communion, but an exorcism is in order. The Power of Christ compels you!

My name is Legend for we are many.

The Heritage Foundation claims that even if the Obamacare website works, it's not safe with your private information. That's just like giving a porn site your personal information...at least that's what I've been told.

The new Ryan/Murray budget proposal includes cuts to military retirees. Here's a better idea, how about we cut that useless vestige that sits atop bureaucrats heads and leave our heroes alone.

Al Gore's prediction in 2008 that the entire North Pole ice cap would disappear in 5 years failed to come true. This global warming misfortune teller is probably freezing his crystal balls off right now.

Al must have defective balls.

Week of July 23, 2013

There was a concern about monkeys threatening Joe Biden when he visited India. Statistically speaking most violent assaults occur between relatives.

A company invented a vibrating bicycle seat called "Happy Ride." Women having orgasms while riding in traffic will certainly be sexhausted by the time they come to their destination.

M Harris Perry of MSNBC wore tampon earrings on the air. What Ms. Perry really needs are tampon lip earrings to stop the disgusting discharge coming out of her mouth.

Bankrupt Detroit is building a new 444 million dollar hockey rink. That's why their finances are on thin ice, pucking idiots.

Detroit City Council passed a resolution requesting federal civil rights charges against George Zimmerman. I guess we can add morally bankrupt to Detroit's list of shortcomings.

The City of Detroit was listed on an E-Bay auction for $7.50. Hopefully there is free shipping, and the winning bidder is in China.

A U Penn University professor  called the American God a white racist. She is just angry over that commandment "Thy shalt not kill whitey."

Anthony Weiner is facing new allegations of sexting. I don't understand how a state with tough gun control laws let's him go around half cocked anyway.

California has a 68 million dollar water treatment center that can turn raw sewage into tap water. What I find more amazing is how Maxine Waters can turn into raw sewage.

The army is switching  to a "green bullet." I'm pretty sure enemy combatants are not worried about global warming when their flesh is burning from machine gun fire are they?

Homeland Security will establish it's new headquarters in a former mental institution. No wonder Janet Napolitano resigned, it would bring back bad memories.

Colorado's new gun control laws are so tough you can't even turn in an illegal gun if you want to because the police say the paperwork is too hard to navigate.  Reminds me of the idiots in N.Y. (Andrew Cuomo) who passed strict gun control and forgot to exclude police. These misfits are not fit to write their resignations let alone laws. 

MSNBC: A baby in the womb is not life, but depends on the "feelings" of the parents, not science. Now I fully comprehend why they suffer from a ratings decline, and their slogan "Lean Forward" means into the toilet.