The week of May 19th, 2013

Senator Dick Durbin said concerning bloggers "are these people journalists and entitled to constitutional protection?" All men are guaranteed the right to free speech under the constitution. Perhaps the intellectually challenged Senator Dirtbin has confused bloggers with boogers.

At the "Touchdown Fever" arcade game in N. J. President Obama went 0 for 5 tossing a touchdown while Chris Cristie scored on the very first try. The President then attempted to blame his failure on a video, but Cristie reminded him it wasn't a video arcade.

A farmer was acquitted of producing milk without a license. The cow however will be sentenced to lethal ingestion.

The Hub network has created a transgender super hero named SheZow. I'm not really sure what kind of crime he/she could save you from. Mismatched window treatments, wardrobe malfunctions, and etiquette faux pas aren't all that menacing, unless you're Martha Stewart.

Anthony Weiner is winning the New York City mayoral race. Because of his superb acting ability he may become the city's first Oscar Mayor Weiner.

A baby boy was flushed down the toilet in China. Apparently Planned Parenthood had Kermit Gosnell set up an office in Asia, and their motto is "away go troubles down the drain."

A Massachusetts audit found dead welfare recipients collecting millions of dollars. I guess the dead  need some incentive to get out and vote.

A Saudi Islamist calls for sexually molesting women who enter the work force. I was wondering if it's Radical I-slam him in the nuggets.

A six year old boy in kindergarten received detention for bringing a plastic Lego G.I. Joe gun to school. No toys were hurt in the incident, but the adults should be subjected to a plastic pistol whipping.

College students signed a thank you card and sent it to the I.R.S. for targeting conservatives. No wonder grads can't get a job, not many positions require a Masters in Hypocrisy.

Michael Eric Dyson of MSNBC declared Eric Holder to be the Moses of our time. If I remember correctly Moses turned a staff into a snake while Holders staff are just a bunch of snakes. That's our weekly roundup of top headlines.

Non Braking News: News that won't slow you down