Week of 12/2/2013

This weeks top headlines:

Walmart had one billion page views of it's website during the Thanksgiving weekend while the Obamacare website crashed from only 50,000. Oh what a tangled website we weave when first we practice to deceive.

A women was hit by a flying deer, and required hospitalization. Rudolph the perpetrator was charged with flying while intoxicated. That red nose should have given it away.

Must have forgot the fuel during the
pre-flight check.

The title of the winning Obamacare video contest is "Forget about the price tag." I always thought that saving money meant considering the price tag. I just don't get this new math.

President Obama talking about the late Nelson Mandela said: I, I, I, I, I, Nelson Mandela courageous man I, I, I.... Apparently our President has more I's than a spider.

There is bad news that the U.S. has more people on disability than all the people living in Greece. The good news is that all those motorized wheelchairs at Walmart won't go to waste.

The Metropolitan Transit Authority will now charge $102.00 for a tractor trailer to cross the G.W. bridge into Manhattan. After seeing the new rate an EZPass customer EZPassed out.

Chris Matthews will be interviewing President Obama on Thursday. I expect there will be more slobbering than at the Westminster Kennel Show. Heel Chrissy, good dog.

I'm gonna hump Obama's leg like a
Chihuahua on Viagra.

Brooklyn politician Laurie Cumbo said the knockout game may have been fueled by "resentment" of the Jewish community. I guess class warfare rhetoric is not about equaling the playing field, but "knocking out" success.

Martin Bashir resigned over disgusting remarks he made about Sarah Palin. Sarah's husband Todd should have just beat the defecation out of him. 

Microsoft is developing a "smart bra"  to control emotional overeating. Forget about a smart bra they should make a clapper bra (clap on clap off) those clasps are a bitch to open.