The week of July 9, 2013

Brazilian soccer fans stormed the field and stoned the referee to death. In the U.S. we yell "kill the empire" but in Brazil they actually behead him. They should be penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Parents are buying wigs for their bald infants. If being bald causes self esteem issues in children than what about them shitting in diapers? 

A rapper was shot dead on stage in front of 3,000 fans. Not really sure how that is news except it happened in South America so I guess the shooter was a Brazil nut.

Pro abortion protesters shouted "fuck the church" during protest at state capitol. If just goes to show that pro abortion people fuck anybody otherwise they'd have no need for an abortion.

The C.B.O. said late term abortions reduce the deficit. What they didn't tell you is that aborting long term politicians reduces the deficit even more.

Edwin Tobergta of Hamilton, Ohio was arrested for having sexual relations with a rubber pool raft. I have heard of inflatable women, but whatever floats your boat.

The D.C. Council decided that Walmart must pay a super minimum wage if they wish to open a store in Washington D.C. , and said "were at a point where we don't need retailers, retailers need us." With an 8.5% unemployment rate it's apparent the D.C. Democrats hate jobs like Superman hates Kryptonite. 

The C.D.C. said salt is not dangerous and cutting it may be harmful. This is the opposite of what they said in the past, however in their defense they meant salt was bad for you when you are drowning in the ocean.

A pew poll found that 27% of the people believe journalists do not contribute very much to society. The other 73% believe they contribute a lot to making the U.S. a third world banana republic.

A Brazilian man was killed by a cow that fell through his roof. At his wake the person delivering the eulogy consoled the family by saying don't cry over spilled milk. 

Janet Napolitano resigned as Secretary of Homeland Security. Thanks to her policies the airports were safe from small crying children, and diaper bombing seniors.

The military tested a 6 foot tall terminator type robot. The inventor said the robot responded poorly to complex problems and failed the test, but it's still capable of governing California.

George Zimmerman was acquitted in the second degree murder trial of Trayvon Martin. The D.O.J. is considering charging him with a hate crime since they hate the fact that justice was served.

Texas police confiscated jars of feces and urine from pro abortion protesters who planned to throw them on legislators. Since the pro choice crowd acts like animals shouldn't P.E.T.A. come out against abortion?

The Hounds of Bastardville.

The week of July 2, 2013

The Muslim Brotherhood claims Egypt's interim President Adli Mansour is Jewish. I guess they're hoping he'll take an exodus like Moses did, minus the plagues of course.

Morsi supporters and anti-Morsi supporters both blame the Obama administration for Egypt's problems. What happened to that saying "the enemy of my enemy is my friend?"

A coup by the Egyptian military led to the suspension of it's constitution, and put President Morsi under house arrest. I never understood why anyone would arrest a house, but the bail must be low because it can't flee the state. 

47% of adults have a full time job. For the other 53% the acronym U.S.A. stands for Unemployed Suckers of America.

The State Dept. spent $630,000. to get more Facebook "likes." After spending $630,000. one person named Hillary posted a "like."

The Sanford Police Chief fears violence in response to the Zimmerman verdict. I guess the "stand your ground law" doesn't apply to law enforcement during civil unrest.

Bette Midler tweeted "Happy Indpendence Day! Just think, if we hadn't won that war, today wouldn't be a holiday AND we'd have healthcare." That's great since Sharia law is taking over England they need healthcare for amputations, and female genital mutilation. 

The employer mandate in Obamacare will be delayed until 2015. Apparently that train wreck is delayed getting to the station. It reminds me of Amtrak.

The pathological liars in the State Department walked back as statement about where John Kerry was during the Egyptian uprising. They should have known they'd get caught lying after all Heinzsight is 20/20.

A Texas pro choice protester had her child hold a sign that said "if I wanted government in my womb I would f*** a senator." It's a shame that child is too young to understand that sign means  "If my mommy didn't want me in her womb she would f***ing abort me".

Pro-life Texas Senator Donna Campbell received Facebook threats saying "I hope you're raped" and "I hope your daughter is raped." So the women's pro-choice movement advocates rape. No wonder they want an abortion. 
Abortion supporters chanted "Hail Satan" at the Texas Capitol. So abortion is not about supporting reproductive health, but about supporting the Prince of Darkness. 
Pro abortionist Lena Dunham said "we are all pro life." She forgot to mention they are only pro life when they are pregnant with the Anti-Christ.