Chuck Schumer wants to ban plastic guns. I guess those plastic toy soldiers will be as defenseless as our service people were in Benghazi.
Rep. Janice Hahn said Obamacare will prevent bad marriages because women won't have marry a creep just to get his healthcare. So all those years of buying women expensive dinner and drinks could have been saved by just pulling out my health card?
Former Governor Bill Richardson said "No, I don't think he (Senator Ted Cruz) should be defined as a Hispanic." So a half Mexican (Richardson) said a half Cuban (Cruz) shouldn't be defined as Hispanic. That reminds me of the saying "the half black pot calling the half black kettle not black."
James Carville said "I don't view Rachel Maddow as far left." Well I view her as so far left she would have to go right just to go straight, no offense to her sexual orientation.
Joe Biden said the Boston bombers were "cowardly, knock off Jihadi's." Killing 3 people and injuring 264 is a pretty good imitation of Jihad, and much better than Biden's imitation of an intelligent life form.
Taxpayer bailed out General Motors is building a new plant in China. Rumors are the new Chinadillac comes with chopstick turn signals, heated green tea cup holders, and Communist satellite radio.
Overweight Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey had "lap band" surgery on his stomach. What I want to know is why are we infatuated with someone who has successfully dealt with his states gut busting deficit, trimmed the fat from social programs, and reduced the constant bloating and swelling of property taxes?
Elijah Cummings said to the Benghazi witnesses"death is just a part of life." Only a politician could get away with saying that getting raped, tortured, and dragged through the streets in a shithole called Libya while serving your country is just a part of life. The biblical prophet Elijah was taken up by a whirlwind into the heavens, Elijah Cummings is just taking up space.
The I.R.S. admitted they had targeted conservative groups, and said they were sorry. Well you really can't blame the I.R.S. since conservatives pay a large share of the taxes anyway.
The White House tweeted that thanks to Obamacare women can gain access to things like birth control with no out of pocket expenses with the hashtag #HappyMothersDay. To me that doesn't make mush sense, and is like saying Obamacare pays for children's vaccinations with no out of pocket expenses with the hashtag #HappyRoeVsWadeDay.
Philadelphia will host the first masturbate-a-thon during the Happy Masturbation month of May. I certainly hope it doesn't coincide with the Philly cream cheese festival because that would be awkwart.
Please forgive the typos, it's hard to type with one hand.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down
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